Battle

Intense post alert...

I am currently sitting on my couch in the wee hours of the night, on the eve of my very big first day of work, because of stress induced insomnia. I have battled with insomnia for as long as I can remember and it can be brought on by different things, including my obsessive thoughts.

Earlier in the day, my sister and I decided that we were going to go on a sister date to Starbucks as we both had a lot of homework to catch up on. Because I also had a lot of laundry to do, I left two loads running and asked my mom if she could hang one load up to dry, and place the other in the dryer which I had preset. Off we went, and lots of coffee, studying, and To Do lists later, we made our way back home. When I asked my mother if she'd brought the clothes in from the line or if I needed to grab them, she looked at me with that look of complete shock and regret that told me she had forgotten to take the clothes out of the washing machines.

This is the point in the blog when you think #firstworldproblems. Let me begin by saying, a) I am completely aware that this was not my mother's fault, nor b) is it logically the end of the world.

Now let me explain to you what actually happened and is still playing out. When I found out that the clothes were not dry, I completely flipped my lid. I threw a tantrum that would impress any two year old, including the slamming of many doors as I made my way to the basement to get the clothes that were now not only still wet, but terribly wrinkled. As I do this, I begin going through all of the things that this mistake has now caused to go wrong.

1. The outfit that I painstakingly picked out for my first day of work is not dry and ready to be ironed as my To Do list said it would be.

2. Although I have planned out every outfit I will wear for my first week of work, I cannot possibly borrow from another day because that's not how I planned for things to go.

3. I will now have to figure out another outfit to wear for my first day.

4. I will now have to be forced to wash my other clothes that are machine dryable in order to find a comfortable, yet trendy "First Day of Work" outfit.

5. I will not be able to give myself a manicure because I will not have time to dry my nails between loads of laundry.

And the list goes on and on and on. What makes the psychotic ticking off of all of the items on my To Do list even worse, my anxiety causes me to go into an obsessive whirlwind of cleaning and organizing which makes getting my list completed even more impossible. Also there is the fact that as I'm washing and putting away the dishes, making sure everything is put away and in its place, and unpacking and repacking my purse to make sure I don't forget anything, I am completely aware of how irrational and destructive the behavior I am participating in is.

After all is said and done, I finished and put away the loads of laundry, got through most of my list, planned an alternate outfit, and hung the pre-selected outfit on a drying rack in front of a fan in the hopes that it will dry in time for the morning. But even though I was able to complete 98% of everything on the list and more, my brain still won't turn off because things didn't go exactly as planned and no amount of logic will allow me to escape the trap it has set for me.

Yarny Days

I have been talking about cleaning out my stash for quite some time, years actually! Some knitters are extremely organized and monogamous in the projects that they knit. They pick out a project, buy the yarn, knit the project, repeat. I, however, am not one of those knitters. At any given time I could have as many as 10 projects in progress and am constantly dreaming of the next thing that I will knit. Cue in the out of control yarn buying and stashing!

If you have been reading my blog at all for any amount of time, you know that I am currently working to get out of debt using Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover. One of the first things that he mentions in the book is that when you get angry at your debt, you need to start selling everything so fast the kids are scared they are next. Over the summer, I did go through my closets and drawers and did a complete overhaul. I haven’t worn this shirt in 2 months, you’re out! This dress still has tags on it and doesn’t fit, you’re out too! Everything is out!!! But, I kept looking at my stash and kept deciding to move on to the next project.

I have definitely developed an extreme emotional connection to my yarn. For my it signifies the hopes and dreams that I had for each skein or hank of yarn. And more so, the hopes and dreams that I had for myself when I bought the yarn, so it has been very hard to get rid of.

Finally after weeks of looking at the yarn, I decided to dive in and start an eBay shop. So far the sales are creeping in and I have already cleared up a lot of room. Don't get me wrong, I still have A LOT of yarn that I can't seem to part with at the current moment, but I have made a promise to myself that I will not buy new yarn until I have knit my stash down considerably. I will also be looking through my current projects and re-blocking and selling them off if they are no longer in use.

My girlfriend Andrea, the recipient of my destashing,

It's time to not only clean up my money, but clean up the excess baggage weighing me down as I go into this next chapter in my life, and I couldn't be happier.

Whirlwind

Have you ever had one of those weeks where everything happens to be going on at the same time and you can't keep up? Last week was one of those weeks for me; boy when it rains, it pours. In this case the rain has been coming in the form of blessings. As of Friday evening at 5pm, I was offered and accepted a position that I would never have imagined could be mine!

On Monday of last week, a recruiter I formerly worked with on another position that didn't pan out reached out to me. I was in the midst of heavy final interviews for another position, but I said why not, what could it hurt to take a look? Fast forward to a Tuesday phone interview and Thursday in person interview and a lot of texting with a former colleague and friend who is currently working with the company, and I was over the moon. I still continued my final round interviews with the other company, but was really gunning for this new role.

I have always been lucky when it comes to finding a new position, and for this I am thankful. I will definitely say that God has tested my patience each and every time, but He has always provided what was in my best interest and always at that moment when I had reached my limits. I am not a particularly patient person, and I am someone that once I make I decision, I will move mountains to make things happen. Interviewing is definitely something that is out of my comfort zone for this reason. Not only do I hate talking myself up, but I hate the fact that for any reason unbeknownst to me, someone can decide that I'm not a right fit for the position, the company, etc.

I am happy and grateful to say, after months of submitting resumes and interviewing, I have finally found my new home.

No Spend-tember

I officially began my debt free journey this past July after having finally read the Total Money Makeover. One day, during one of my bouts of insomnia, I woke up at 3am, binge watched Dave Ramsey YouTube-ers, and sat down and created my budget.

For anyone that seriously budgets, and let's be honest, anyone in general, you know that summer is a big season to spend money. You get invited to weekly beach trips, living in the city there is a lot of outdoor dining, and just being out and about for a walk can cost you $6 if you pass the local FroYo shop. I personally find summer to be much heavier on the spending than winter is, quite frankly, because of all of the small expenses that "sneak up" on you. Have you noticed how quickly they add up?

So after two months of budgeting and saving most of my baby emergency fund, and still being a little short, I decided to put an end to the madness and get gazelle intense! Enter my No Spend-tember and No Spend-tober plan. If you've ever watched a financial vlog or read a financial blog, you may have heard of this concept. The concept usually comes around in January, after all of the holiday spending, as a reset button. The rules of the game are that you are not allowed to spend any money outside of your "four walls" and monthly bills; read the only shopping you will be doing is at the grocery store.

My reason for initially choosing two months was because of marathon training and my desire to also hit reset on my training as well, which was very inconsistent during the summer. Now that I've decided to postpone the marathon, and am looking to start a new job in October, I will probably shorten the time period to just September and allow myself a very small eating out and coffee budget for October to account for a lot of the getting to know you lunches and coffee breaks that come along with a new work environment. I haven't completely decided on this yet, but will let you know as soon as I have.

So for my progress so far this month, I am projected to save about $446 this month. This will both finish off Baby Step 1 and allow me to begin Baby Step 2 all in the same month! I have been really trimming down the grocery budget, trying to go through things I have stocked up in the freezer, and have two more babysitting gigs scheduled for the month, so I am hoping to bring this up to at least $600, by the end of the month.

I did slip up twice the first two days of the month due to poor planning and after work laziness on my part; read not going grocery shopping. I also had my annual gym membership fee and textbook fee for my Certificate course that I had to pay this month. All three additional expenses set me back about $72, so all in all, not too bad.

I'm having lots of fun finding ways to have fun without spending money. The weather has been unseasonably warm and has allowed me a lot of outdoor time, which definitely helps. Let's also be very honest here; my apartment has never been cleaner!!! Check back in at the end of the month to see how I did!

What On Earth Am I Here For?

This is going to be a hard post for me.

From the time that I was very young, my mother has called me an old soul. I never really played with kids my age, and usually opted for hanging out with my older cousins or sitting in a corner reading a book. For just as long, I've struggled with anxiety. When I was very young, my parents just brushed it off as me being a nervous child. The older I became, the more apparent it was that I had a problem. I remember having to meet with my guidance counselor on a weekly basis in high school to ensure I didn't put too much stress on myself to where I would have panic attacks.

And that's just it. The majority of my anxiety and things that caused me to stress were all self inflicted expectations, and they still are today. I made it out of a competitive high school environment and went off to college as happy as I could be, thinking that I left my problems behind. Little by little, the anxiety started to creep back in and without my usual coping mechanisms, I began to pick up unhealthy habits and even developed mild obsessive-compulsive behaviors. I again sought counseling and in my Sophomore year found knitting.

I dove straight in and didn't look back. Here was a hobby where I could funnel some of my compulsions (patterns and numbers). Not only that, but it helped me with the constant need to wash my hands. I continued counseling and continued my knitting, and somehow, once again, thought I was in the clear.

One of my major triggers has always been the sense of security. Over the past few years, I've dealt with relapses and have been able to keep a relatively anxiety free life. As I began to become unhappy with my work situation earlier this year, however, that all changed. I started to feel trapped because of the mountain of debt that I am facing and began an endless cycle of anxiety and self doubt. For those of you who have never had to deal with the debilitating feeling of mental illness, I cannot possibly describe the feeling of your body literally not being willing to move in any direction that didn't mean curling up in a ball for days on end. And what's worse, my anxiety sparks further anxious thoughts as I think to myself that I should not be feeling this way for any number of reasons, from the fact that I have a loving, supportive circle of family and friends, to the ultimate reason, that God is my Lord and Savior.

As I begin my job search and battle with the mounting feelings of stress, I feel as if He has spoken to me again. This week, my church has kicked off a 40 day, 6 week journey to finding purpose. We will be working our way through What On Earth Am I Here For as a church and it could not have come at a better time. I want to share my journey toward self-healing with you all, not only as a way to keep myself accountable, but also in the hopes that I may inspire someone to seek help as well. I'm not sure how often I will be posting throught the journey yet, but hope that as I find time to blog through my feelings, that you will also find time to read these posts.

My goal with this blog has been to keep it as real as it gets, so here we go...

Praise

For a long time, my mother and I have worked jointly on my student loan cause. I obviously pay everything and anything I can toward my debt as possible on a monthly basis and every so often she will gift me money to throw at the loans. For as long as I remember, my mother has had a side business going from home around the holidays making and selling a traditional food to our culture to family and friends, and now friends of friends as it continues to grow. When one of my aunts was living in the area, we would both hunker down every holiday season to help in the cause to make a little extra money. Since taking a night job and with my aunt moving to Florida, the production line has diminished greatly and now we produce more as a hobby than anything else.

Recently, my mother approached me to let me know that she would like us to make the effort to resume the little side business as much as we could for this upcoming holiday season and that any profits we made would go toward my student loans. Queue in my taking a "day off" to work the production line with my mom about two weeks ago and we were able to pull just under $600 in profit for a hard day's work. We sold all of our product and started getting pre-orders for the next batch we make coming up in November.

Around this time, my family also gathered together to catch up as one of my aunts is in from out of town. As my mom took orders, she also let them all know our plans. She also happened to mention how excited she was because with the next production we would be able to knock out one of my loans as it only had about $500 remaining. After a day of fun, as my mom got ready to go home, one of our family members approached her and gave her the money to finish paying off the loan! As of Sunday evening one of my student loans is completely paid off!

While I still have another five student loans, thankfully I never consolidated them, I have a renewed sense of hope. Working my debt snowball and the entire Dave Ramsey plan can be so daunting at times when you have so much debt and so little income and your debt free date looks so far away. Trusting that if I put my faith in God and continue the path I know to be true can be so hard to someone that often deals with crippling anxiety especially surrounding money. This week, He reminded me who my Father is and who will ultimately provide.

For this, I am thankful.

10 Things I've Bought That Save Me Money, part 2

Welcome to this week's continuation of the 10 things I've bought that have saved me money. I'm going to go ahead an dive right in.

6. eReader
I have always been an avid reader and my house has always been full of books. Now that I am living in an apartment with limited space, I really need to be choosy about the books that I actually buy and keep in hard copy. I bought my Nook eReader a few years ago during a Black Friday sale at Barnes & Noble for $59. I now save an average of 30-50% (sometimes even more) on books that I purchase, not to mention the loads of free eBooks I can borrow from the public library.

7. Hair Dryer & Straightener
This one is along the lines of my manicure kit. I have naturally super curly hair and of course, I want what I don't have...aka straight hair. Also part of the curly haired problems is the fact that I cannot wash my hair with normal products or more than twice a week unless I want it all to fall out. Queue in the hair dryer and straightener. Yes, you read that right! I own a portable hair dryer, much like the ones that you see at the hair salon, and every week my mom sets my hair in rollers and I straighten it after it's dried. I choose this method rather than blow-drying it for two reasons; I have insane back problems, and also the hair dryer is less damaging to my hair. I paid $30 for the hair dryer many moons ago and is still running strong and about $70 for the straightener, which will need to be replaced this year. All in all, my at home hair routine saves me $30-$60 per week!!! That's a yearly savings of $1,500-$3,000!

8. Online Babysitting Services
So this one is a little different because instead of saving money, they actually make me money. I currently am part of two online babysitting services that are technically free for the babysitters; they usually make their money off of the parents that have to subscribe and pay a fee. Part of the process, however, is that the sites offer background checks so that parents know that you're a credible and trustworthy person. I pay about $15 every 6 months for each of the sites ($60 total per year), and because parents see that I'm fully screened, I am able to land babysitting gigs more easily. With my crazy work and training schedule, I can't really work a regular part time job, and babysitting is a way that I make extra income whenever I can fit it in my schedule.

9. Mason Jars and Airtight Containers
This one goes hand in hand with my wholesale membership. Buying in bulk often times means that you need to be able to store your dried goods in airtight containers to keep them from going rancid. Ikea has these great mason jars in a variety of sizes that I use for everything from storing my sugar to making my overnight oatmeal during the week. If you are big into buying in bulk and can resist buying everything in the marketplace on your way through, I would highly recommend these!

10. Sewing Machine
For as long as I can remember, my mother has always sewn and she taught me to sew at a very young age. My mom stayed at home with all three of us until we were old enough to be in school and one thing she taught me is to always have a bit of mad money. For as long as I can remember, my mother used to make beautiful home goods and sell them from home. She started off on a small table sewing machine and eventually bought an industrial machine where she would whip up her wonders. I have learned to make so many housewares and a large part of my apartment is actually decorated in items that I've made from the window treatments to changing up throw pillows whenever the fancy strikes. I'm also extremely short (4'11") and have to hem all of my pants, even if they are petite! Not only do I get pleasure from creating things, but the ability to sew has definitely saved me tons of money over the years.

I hope you enjoyed reading today's blog. Stop by on Wednesday for some super exciting news!

Back to School

Those are definitely not words I would have thought I would be typing a week ago! I have been toying with the idea of going back to school to formalize my Human Resources experience for quite some time. I even began the process of applying for and being accepted into an MBA in HR program. As I work my debt snowball more and more, however, it was becoming apparent that I still don't have enough wiggle room to fully fund tuition every semester.

Queue in my girlfriend Toni, who was thinking about taking a Certificate course in Human Resources Management. We did a little bit of research, and before we knew it, we were both enrolled in a course within 4 days of first talking about the idea. I was able to fully fund the course with the money I'd begun saving for the Master's program, and the course will even count toward some of my grad credits once I make the plunge!

So here I am, super excited and nervous since it's been quite some time since I've been in school and have never actually taken an online class before! True to my new ways, I will be cozying up in a chair at the public library while everyone else is studying away at the local Starbucks. But really, can Starbucks beat the quiet comfort of the smell of old books?